Back to Old Brian

 “Did you really get arrested?” “I heard you almost died a couple of times, is this true?” “Are you better now?” “What happened?” “Why share all of this?”  Yes, true, I think so, read below and to help prevent these medical issues from affecting others.

In 2008 I weighed in at over 300lbs. I was morbidly obese and needed to do something about it. My doctor stated I was so unhealthy that he recommended gastric bypass surgery. Though I wasn't immediately excited about this prospect, I accepted the “program” offer and begun driving monthly to South San Francisco, the home of Kaiser Permanente’s bariatric surgery unit at the time. The drives were long, but the classes beneficial. It wasn't until the summer of 2009 that I was finally ready for the surgery. 

About a week before the surgery was scheduled I had tremendous pains in my abdominal region, so bad that my wife called 911 and I was transported to the hospital via ambulance. The cause was very bad gall stones caused by my gall bladder. The doctor at the hospital suggested I have it removed and that since I already had a surgery scheduled, to do it at the same time. A few days later I met with my bariatric surgeon who agreed, my surgery was now to become a two-for-one surgery with both the gastric bypass and the gall bladder removal to happen at the same time. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened.

On the day of the surgery, June 2009, I went in as the first bariatric patient of the day. Once under anesthesia they did my gall bladder removal. Upon doing that surgery the surgeon noticed a blockage in my bile duct (whatever that is) that he couldn't remove from where he was and would not be possible to remove if the gastric bypass went through, so he opted for the safer option and decided to not complete my gastric bypass surgery.  To say I was upset when I woke up was putting it mildly.

I had been preparing for this surgery for over a year and had started to already change my health habits and wanted to move forward. It wasn't meant to be. The worst part was in order to remove the blockage found another surgeon had to snake a device down my throat and go through my stomach to get to it (hence the reason they had to not do the gastric bypass). This “procedure” they scheduled for the very next day, the day after the gall bladder removal. Oh, and since this procedure is oral, they can’t do full anesthesia and in-fact required me to lie down on my stomach, fresh surgery wounds and all. This was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I wrote about it at the time on this same blog LINK.

So now I have to re-schedule my surgery to have the gastric bypass, and I do. Some five weeks later as I had to wait to heal from the first surgery. Finally, in July I had gastric bypass surgery. It went well, except for the fact that I started bleeding out and they had to give me blood during the surgery. Besides that, all was fine, and I was on my way home. I wrote a lot about these experiences in this blog, feel free to review.

Skipping forward… after a few months I started having some very negative symptoms and was feeling “off”. This got worse and other things started to happen, though none of which I paid much attention to, including blacking out a few times. Thankfully, or not, these never caused enough of an issue, or happened while I was standing, to hurt me. That changed in March of 2010, everything changed. I had a blackout that caused me to fall face forward, knees locked, in to the corrugated rock patio at the Roseville Galleria mall. I was there attending a work function with the Chamber of Commerce, not something most there will forget I’m sure.  Unbeknownst to me, this was a huge red flag that my brain wasn't working right, but no-one, not even the neurologists at Kaiser in Roseville, could figure out what part wasn't working. Since according to eyewitness accounts (I don’t know I was unconscious) I started seizing after the fall, the assumption was that I had a seizure and that caused the fall. Later  (much later)it would be discovered the fall caused the seizure, not the other way around. It would take over nine more months for the right doctor to figure out what was wrong with me. Unfortunately, that would make it too late for me to not go through what would happen next.

After the blackout I had what they called “rolling amnesia” which is where I could only remember for five to fifteen minutes at a time. The fall caused severe trauma. In addition to a severe concussion, multiple lacerations and a broken nose in two places, my face split from my upper lip to behind my nose. If you've ever met me, or do, and I haven’t shaved, you may notice a square patch of skin under my nose that won’t grow skin. That’s where they tied my face back together, literally. It took around two weeks to recover from this rolling amnesia and another month or so to recover from the trauma overall. Since it was an un-explained blackout, my driver’s license, per California law, was put on medical hold. That meant I had to be driven to work. I was fortunate enough to find a co-worker from another department who was able to drive me. As someone who likes to drive, this was a challenge. It was also a challenge because I started having another issue arise from the trauma; I was scared it was going to happen again.

The pain and trauma of the blackout and the subsequent medical damage made me fearful, every day that it was going to happen again. The neurologist’s not being able to pinpoint the cause didn't help. They brought me in and did light tests, MRI’s, cat scans, the works and they still couldn't find any physical cause. Yet it happened again at home. I was lying down, but it did happen again. Though this time there was no damage, it scared me even more. I started feeling like at any moment, I could die. Now, this is true, but I really felt it and was mindful of this fear more and more. It came to a point where I wouldn't walk in to a room unless in a position where if I fell, I wouldn't hurt myself. Eventually I felt every day, I was going to die. I had no idea how right I was, or that my neurology was actually changing the way I thought due to a neurological vitamin deficiency.

Never having been much of a drinker before the surgery, I found that after the surgery I was an easy drunk. Knowing that, I turned to that all too easily accessible pain medication and emotion numbing agent called alcohol. Beer alone wouldn't do it, and I went for the hard stuff. It was the only thing that made sense to me, with my mind that now had a lack of logic and reasoning. It was the only thing I could do that would numb the fear. It worked for a little while, but as anyone who has gone down that path can tell you, it wasn't going to numb the fear for long. My brain, starved of a key nutrient which causes personality change and other symptoms, my mind changed and went from being fearful to accepting, but in a very unhealthy way. I started believing, with my heart of hearts, that every day I was going to die. Instead of being fearful of this fact, I embraced it. I started to turn from being the man I was, to a man who didn't care about anyone or anything but himself. I was going to die today, and there was nothing I could do about it, so screw everyone else in the world, I’m going to do what I want to do. And I did.

I went from the Brian people knew, like or dislike, love or hate, to a narcissistic self-centered jerk who made more enemies than friends, and fast. Assuming, and truly believing you are going to die every day makes you think you can’t be hurt. Add on top I cared about nearly no-one during this time, I made decisions that were so out of character it’s now absurd. I took money from people who trusted me, and until this happened, had no reason not to. I did this and moved out of my house with my wife and family and on my own. I wanted to live my last day(s) doing what I wanted, no one to tie me down. It makes me sick now thinking that’s how I was acting.

The worst of this mental state was from May through August of 2010. By September I started slowly recognizing what I had done, but not fully. As the end of the year approached, it started to dawn on me that I had to pay back the money I took before the end of the year. So, I told on myself. The person from whom I had taken the most money was Scott Owens, the newly elected District Attorney whose campaign I had worked on and a man whom I considered a friend. When he found out he did the right thing, he initiated an investigation by the sheriff’s office. He probably saved my life by doing this. Scott is an extremely honorable man, and I did nothing but betray his trust. For that I will be forever sorry. The fact that it wasn’t really “me” doesn’t change my internal frustration over this, nor should it. The same goes for Supervisor Kirk Uhler, whose accounts and trust were also affected by my actions. Thankfully, Kirk has known me for almost twenty years, and knew that the Brian doing this wasn’t the Brian he knew. He also knows the old Brian is back, maybe even better.

In mid-December 2010 I was arrested for theft. It made all the local papers that a county aide and political consultant had been arrested for embezzlement. At the time I was mad more than anything. This was of course due to my mind-set that everything was about me. Now I lost my job, my credibility and my life.

I quickly realized I still had two beautiful daughters who needed me and my then ex (though never legally divorced) allowed me to move back in so we could try to push through for the girls. She too saved my life. A few months passed before I was seen by a doctor, this time for a follow-up in South San Francisco at the bariatric unit. This was the first time in months I had been there. I told the doctor, who happened to be the head of the department, everything that had happened. In that one visit she figured it all out, I had a thiamin (or B1) deficiency. This was early 2011, if you now Google “gastric bypass personality change” or “thiamin personality change” there is a wealth of information on this very serious topic. Prior to this appointment, I had no idea.

Turns out, as it was described to me, that Thiamin is a very important neurological vitamin, and a lack of it, or next to none as I had, can cause severe mental and personality changes. It can also cause blackouts and slew of other symptoms I had been experiencing.  Not having it for as long as I did, well as you can guess, that’s even worse. Once the diagnosis came in I was immediately put on B1 supplements. It didn't happen overnight, but I got better and after a while, I was back to the old Brian, for the most part.

Now I had to deal with the legal aspects. Due to the fact the newly elected District Attorney himself was a victim of my transgressions; the case was sent to the US Attorney’s office and went through the federal system. Fortunately my medical records were reviewed and taken under consideration as I went through the legal process. I plead to one count of wire fraud, a felony. Once sentencing occurred, after the people involved reviewed my very extensive and specific medical records, I was given three years’ probation including six months of ankle bracelet monitoring.

Thought it’s been almost three years, I’m better off now medically than I have ever been. I just ran my first marathon last month on June 2^nd. I’m proud of how far I've come, not just medically, but also as a person re-building my life from where it went.  I’m also honored to be asked to speak to bariatric surgery support groups throughout northern California and share my story, both good and bad. If I can help anyone else go through what I went through, then it’s worth sharing my story, no matter how embarrassing it may be.

I’m now happy to work as a fitness trainer for an employer who supports my efforts to re-build my life and ensure my family is taken care of. I also work again with my former county boss Kirk Uhler as a marketing consultant with his private business consulting firm, and with his father helping with the communications for his organization. They have both known me long before and both acknowledge that the “Bizarro Brian” period was not the me they knew and that I am now back to normal. I can’t thank them enough for the second chance.

I have also been blessed to be back involved with acting, this time not on stage but in front of the camera.  Since all of this I’ve appeared in several national TV shows, a couple films and this summer working on my first short film as a writer, co-starring with my now actress daughters.

I made mistakes, and regardless of the fact that they were made while I wasn't myself, I have accepted that this is something I must live with for the rest of my life. Now all I can do is make sure I take care of myself, be there for my family and help educate others so they never have this roller coaster ride. 

Moving on to the Next Episode

It's been almost a year since the surgery and a long time since I would say I'm in "recovery", so I'm moving on, blog wise. Now my fitness progression will be told in my new blog's "Back From Obese" and for very current information, "My First 5k". Hope you'll check them out.

September Update

It's been way to long since I have posted here. Not that anyone was waiting, but still. Also, it's not like much has happened since my last posting... only... went back to work, was not nominated for any awards for my play, found out I actually WAS nominated for best original script, had one of the most devastating fires in Placer County history stop just hundreds of yards from our house, worked the evacuation center for one of the most devastating fires in Placer County history, got read ended, went to Cincinnati, went to Norfolk, went to the ELLY ceremony, lost at the ELLY ceremony, had a great time at the ELLY ceremony... Boring I know.

Oh, for those who are interested... 224. I am officially down to 224 which makes for 52 lbs since the surgery and 92 this year.

I plan to write in more detail about all of the above... in my spare time.

Four Weeks and Counting

Well, as I stated in my last post I was having some difficulties. I saw my local Dr a week ago and he had some ideas on how to get me through them, and they have worked. I am back to feeling good, and have even been out walking the last five days in a row. I have now lost 26 lbs since the surgery and have had to get some new clothes. I had to buy a belt that was 3 sizes smaller than my current one, and I'm already moving notches. That said, I still don't "feel" the changes.

Anyhow, I've tested myself this week and have done a small MC event and have helped out at my theater groups shows by doing the box office. They have been good test runs for going back to work. I was supposed to go back today, but due to my complications my Dr wrote me out until the 23rd, but said to let him know if I was feeling up to going back earlier. Well, I am. I plan to go back to work on Wednesday.

Not much else to report. Happy to be getting back to a normal routine, but this makes today my last night where I don't have work the next day :( Today is my Saturday now.

On a side note, my theater group provides a wonderful assortment of desserts for patrons, cakes, candies, brownies, all free. Not only could I not have a bite because of my diet, I really didn't want one because of my lack of hunger or interest as a result of the surgery. Man, this is weird...

What a Week

Week three since the surgery has proven to be quite a week. Coming off the success of the show, I have actually had the most painful week since the surgery. Now the pain has shifted to more of an internal pain vs. an at the incision pain. Overall I guess I still feel good, but as I feel better and do more, I realize what is too much.

Yesterday was my first day out of the house on my own, I drove myself to the bank then, cause I'm weird, I actually went to my office. Actually it's because I have so many great co-workers I wanted to stop by and say "hi". All in all, I was out for about an hour and a half, and that was quite tiring.

Today we all went to visit our good friends Shannon and George and their brand-new baby boy Jayden who was born yesterday (see photo of Lindsey holding). We visited them at Sutter Roseville and I drove. We were gone a total of just over two hours. When I got home, after driving both ways and the visit and a quick stop at Blockbuster, I was exhausted and fell asleep for almost three hours. Yes, I basically just woke up. I have learned that I am not as full of spunk and energy as I thought.


I have also started noticing some issues health wise that have raised some concerns. One such item is my right leg seems to be falling asleep whenever I sit a certain way, this is new, and a bit scary. I have also had some other symptoms I have been in contact with my Dr about and said to come in if they don't stop. Well, they haven't, so I have a Dr's appointment with my local Doc Monday morning. I hope he can help and I don't have to go back to SF.

On the good news side, I am 1 lb short of losing twenty pounds since the surgery! People keep saying they see it, I don't feel it, but my old pants fit now, so I guess there are changes.

My Big Comedy Show, Weight Loss

So last night was my big comedy show. I performed a 30 minute set, which took almost 40 minutes with laughter and dealing with obnoxious people, but I'll focus on the laughter. The event was a fundraiser for the Lincoln High football team. Ther were around 200 people in atendance. A lot of my jokes are about my gastric bypass surgery. It started off very well and I think ended well too. Overall I think it was a huge success. This is the first time I have ever done more than 6 minutes at one time. I was very nervous, not just about doing the show, but also about going out. I said this in my act, and it was the truth, last night as he first time I've worn real pants in two weeks. I've just been in gym shorts or pajama pants. Why not? I'm recovering from major surgery.

Anyhow, the show went very well I think, and everyone I know who was there that I have talked to seemed to agree, but boy did it wipe me out. I put everything I had in to that show, and it took it's toll. Immediately after the show I couldn't get up for 20 minutes, then we got home, and I crashed. I didn't wake up today until Noon! Except at around 9am when Kayla and Jessica came and woke me up asking me to help Kayla. Seems her tooth was loose, and bleeding, and they wanted "Dr. Daddy" to take it out. Which I did. Now, if you were there last night, you know my ending joke is all about me being the resident tooth fairy at my house. So ironic that I have to play that role tonight. Anyhow, after I removed the tooth, I went back to sleep.

It was a great experience,and I look forward to doing it again. For now, it's back to rest time. Last night showed me, I'm not ready for to much activity or excitement, yet.

Oh, and as far as weight loss goes, I am now down to 259! I haven't seen the second number in my weight as a five since I first passed it in 2000. I am officially the lowest weight I have been since Kayla was born.

The Biggest Loss Is Time

So, here I am, six days of eating "real" food and I have noticed some big changes. One, I have a next to nothing appetite. Two, I don't miss food, I miss eating. Here's what I mean, whenever I have lunch by myself, I like to read. I almost have to read. I make sure I have my current book with me before walking in to a restaurant. I eat very slowly, even if I;m not reading, and relax and enjoy the time. Now, I don't need time. I can eat my lunch in two minutes, and as part of the eating change, you can't drink with or up to an hour after you eat solid foods. So wht took 20 minutes now takes two. That's why I am missing the physical action of eating.

I don't feel hungry though, I often feel very full, even after just sipping on water. My protein shake/drinks make me very full. Even now when I can eat more, I find myself not wanting anything to eat and have to be reminded it's time to eat. That's never happened before!

Skipped a Week!

So, here I am, one full week out, and doing great! I am recovering well and even went to the store today. I was the the groggy looking guy at Target using a shopping cart as a walker. Anyhow, I emailed my surgeon with how I was feeling, what foods I'm up to, and how my body is re-acting. As a result, he stated he did not see the need for me to come down to SF next week (Yay!!!!) and I can advance to the two week post-op diet. This is very good news! Real food! I've never been so excited to have one cracker.

I have had some similar questions from many people, so I will answer the most common ones I have gotten like, how does it feel and what are you eating, etc. How does it feel? Nothing different. I feel sore and uncomfortable and my body definitely yells at me if I move the wrong way, but I don't "feel" like I have a smaller stomach. I don't "feel" like my insides have been re-routed. It's early, but so far, I don't feel much different, just the same types of after surgery pain and discomfort I have felt before. That said, my Doctor has reminded me that though I am recovering ahead of schedule, and doing well, I still need to try to relax and take it easy to fully recover and not re-injure myself.

What am I eating? Since the surgery my meals have been minimal to say the least. Breakfast; a protein shake, lunch; a half cup of jello, snack; a sugar free Popsicle, dinner; a small bowl of chicken broth. Now I am allowed to move up to having a cracker, 1-2oz of tuna or turkey or cheese. That's about it.

Am I hungry? I'm not hungry, but I miss tastes. I'm tired of jello, but I don't want something else because I'm hungry, but because I want a different taste. I do not find myself ever thinking "damn, I'm hungry".

Oh, and the weight. When I started the program, I was at 316, today I am 50lbs lower at 266! Ten of those lost pounds are since the surgery.

I'm feeling good and ready for my big show on Saturday. I think I'll collapse and fall asleep on the way home, but I will give it my all, all I have that is.

Hope this was interesting, will update again later this week with how the new diet is working out.

"New" Body, Part Three

I can't believe it's Friday already! For not doing much, this week has flown by. It has been an interesting week. Jessica has been a great nurse, although we are both surprised that I need less help now than I did after my gall bladder/obstruction removal surgery. We both think it was the horrific obstruction removal surgery that made that horrible, not so much the gall bladder.

Anyway, here are some general observations I have thus far. One, I don't feel like I have a smaller stomach. Though I know it is the size of a really big grape, it doesn't "feel" it. I have noticed I have no hunger, but I think that may be just from the fact I had surgery, regardless what type. The first day home, I could barely drink a glass of water, let alone my all-to-important protein drinks. Yesterday I was able to finish a protein drink and had several glasses of water, and even a popsicle. That's right, a genuine sugar free popsicle. Jealous?

My second general observation is, I feel better physically than I though I would. Don't get me wrong, moving too much or twisting towards the wounds hurts. But when I think of what was done inside... well, I'm waiting for it to hit me. Whenever I get up or walk, I feel it, but laying in bed, not so much. That wasn't true on the car ride home, where I felt every pothole Caltrans has yet to think about between SF and here. In fact, I'd say I'm more uncomfortable than in pain. But if I don;t take my horrible tasting liquid vicodin on time, then the pain starts to overtake the discomfort.

Third general observation, I may not be "hungry" but I do think a lot about the foods I can never have again. I was watching a show where they started talking about peanut M& M's and I got sad, realizing I can never have one again (can't have chocolate candy and can't have nuts). Then I tried to put it in perspective, would I rather miss my life or M&M's? That helped, but I still wanted one :)

Overall, things are going well. Today I move on to yogurt and pudding! It's the simple things that get me excited. I appreciate all the support my friends and family have given and feel truly blessed.

Pre-op, again

Today, July 7th, I went down to South San Francisco, for the pre-operation consultation with my new surgeon and the anesthesiology department. Things went very well.... whew

First off, my new surgeon has a much more pleasant bedside manner. Not that the last one wasn't good, he knew his stuff, just a little cold. Second, he completely understood my desire to be the first surgery of the day, and actually made the call while I was there to move me (was on for last) to first and said to freeze it that way. THANK YOU! The sooner it's over, the sooner I'm home. That move may save me from an extra night in the hospital.

Anesthesiology was nothing, I do thank them for getting me in early so I could get out of the Bay before the big traffic rush. All they really worry about is first-timers under anesthesia, which obviously I'm not. When I pointed out I was under just a month ago, the conversation moved pretty quickly.

So... right now it's on, and for the first surgery of the day on the 13th (less than a week). Here's hoping they ACTUALLY do the surgery this time!

Nothing Really New, Exciting Huh?

So I'm writing to report I have nothing to report. Thing's are getting back to normal just as I have to start getting ready again for them not to be... again. My next appointment is in South San Francisco on Tuesday the 7th. The worst part of these appointments is they are day killers, but since it's covered under my medical, no real loss.

So Friday is a county holiday, Monday is a county furlough (no pay) day and Tuesday is a medical day, leaving me with only five work days left before I'm out again, for a month. As I write this I realize, I have a lot to do!

Not much else, hopefully Tuesday's pre-op workup goes well and I pray, PRAY, I am the first surgery of the day on the 13th. Nothing worse than the waiting, and we know I've done plenty of that.

Judging Miss Placer County, A Call from Kaiser and More

Last night was the Miss Placer County contest, for which I was one of five judges. It was a unique and great, if somewhat odd, experience. We did the interviews Monday night, which consisted of some odd, sometimes light and sometimes very serious questions.

Thursday night was the main competition, which consisted of judging a swimwear walk, evening gown walk, stage presence and ability to intelligently answer a random question onstage. In the end, a very intelligent, bubbly and beautiful young lady by the name of Meghan was crowned Miss Placer County. I feel we as judges made a great choice. I truly think Meghan will do a good job representing the County.

Now on to a surgery update, a friend of mine who happens to work for Kaiser heard about my less than excellent experience three weeks ago. He was kind enough to call and apologize and ensure me that Kaiser agrees that is not how they do patient care (which had always been my experience before this as well). I truly appreciated his call and feel that Kaiser as an organization truly cared that someone had this type of experience and will strive to prevent it from happening again to me or anyone else. Time will tell (July 13th is my next surgery date), but after today, I do feel better and once again feel Kaiser cares.

This weekend I will be performing my last show at the Sacramento Comedy Spot until my big July 25th show. If you would lke to come see tomorrow's show, go to www.SacComedySpot.com for more information on when and where. For tickets to my BIG July 25th show go to www.KeeslingGroup.com

Placer County Fair

So, I was originally asked to be a judge for the Miss Teen Placer County contest, but just this last Monday was moved to be a judge for the main competition, Miss Placer County. There are five very intelligent and beautiful contestants. Monday night I had the opportunity to interview them all. This Thursday (as in tomorrow) is the main show. I will be judging them based upon physical appearance in both an evening gown and swimsuit, their poise and their ability to own the stage and answer a question (no I won't ask about gay marriage).

Anyhow, I am very excited about this opportunity. I have never done anything like this before.

Please come out and see the pageant (if you are local) at the Placer County Fair Thursday night at 7:30pm.

Background

Okay, so a few have requested this, others, well, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. This is the pre-now story of how I came to being told I need gastric bypass surgery.

So here's what's up. On June 8th, 2009 I am scheduled for gastric bypass surgery. As those who have know me for some time know, I have not always been this heavy, but have for some time now. In 2000 I was a little overweight, but in good shape. I was even a part-time fire fighter with the Newcastle Fire Department and had pretty good physical agility scores. Then I injured my knee playing basketball (it was more fun telling people I did it saving a baby from a burning building, but no, it was a stupid pick-up game).

Anyway, it wasn't your "normal" knee injury, I actually injured it to the point where my knee cap was no longer attached to anything else, plus other tears and rips. The damage was extensive and required an "internal reconstruction". So, after the surgery I couldn't walk which meant I stayed home and was on disability. While at home, I sat in my recliner and watched TV, all day long. I went so far as to have Jessica leave the door unlocked when she left so I could order a pizza and have the pizza guy just come in, since I couldn't get up and all. I didn't leave our apartment for almost three months, straight!

I finally got out of the house and had to get around via a wheelchair for about a month before I worked up to crutches. All in all, I didn't walk on my own for almost six months. There were some good parts, like my year long disability placard. Parking was awesome! (Did you know with a disability placard, you don't have to pay parking meters?). Kayla was born at the end of the year (right as I was walking again) and we couldn't be happier that we had her. But that year I gained 70 pounds. Is that the only reason I'm overweight? Nope, but it sure was a big kick-starter. So here I am, 9 years later and weigh a little more than I did at the end of all of that.

So this is where I am today, almost 100 pounds overweight and not having any success in 9 years of losing the weight. So...