“Did you really get
arrested?” “I heard you almost died a couple of times, is this true?” “Are you
better now?” “What happened?” “Why share all of this?” Yes, true, I think so, read below and to help
prevent these medical issues from affecting others.
In 2008 I weighed in at over 300lbs. I was morbidly obese
and needed to do something about it. My doctor stated I was so unhealthy that
he recommended gastric bypass surgery. Though I wasn't immediately excited
about this prospect, I accepted the “program” offer and begun driving monthly
to South San Francisco, the home of Kaiser Permanente’s bariatric surgery unit
at the time. The drives were long, but the classes beneficial. It wasn't until
the summer of 2009 that I was finally ready for the surgery.
About a week before the surgery was scheduled I had
tremendous pains in my abdominal region, so bad that my wife called 911 and I
was transported to the hospital via ambulance. The cause was very bad gall
stones caused by my gall bladder. The doctor at the hospital suggested I have
it removed and that since I already had a surgery scheduled, to do it at the
same time. A few days later I met with my bariatric surgeon who agreed, my surgery
was now to become a two-for-one surgery with both the gastric bypass and the
gall bladder removal to happen at the same time. Unfortunately, that’s not what
happened.
On the day of the surgery, June 2009, I went in as the first
bariatric patient of the day. Once under anesthesia they did my gall bladder
removal. Upon doing that surgery the surgeon noticed a blockage in my bile duct
(whatever that is) that he couldn't remove from where he was and would not be
possible to remove if the gastric bypass went through, so he opted for the
safer option and decided to not complete my gastric bypass surgery. To say I was upset when I woke up was putting
it mildly.
I had been preparing for this surgery for over a year and had
started to already change my health habits and wanted to move forward. It
wasn't meant to be. The worst part was in order to remove the blockage found
another surgeon had to snake a device down my throat and go through my stomach
to get to it (hence the reason they had to not do the gastric bypass). This
“procedure” they scheduled for the very next day, the day after the gall
bladder removal. Oh, and since this procedure is oral, they can’t do full
anesthesia and in-fact required me to lie down on my stomach, fresh surgery
wounds and all. This was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I
wrote about it at the time on this same blog LINK.
So now I have to re-schedule my surgery to have the gastric
bypass, and I do. Some five weeks later as I had to wait to heal from the first
surgery. Finally, in July I had gastric bypass surgery. It went well, except
for the fact that I started bleeding out and they had to give me blood during
the surgery. Besides that, all was fine, and I was on my way home. I wrote a
lot about these experiences in this blog, feel free to review.
Skipping forward… after a few months I started having some very negative symptoms and was feeling “off”. This got worse and other things started to happen, though none of which I paid much attention to, including blacking out a few times. Thankfully, or not, these never caused enough of an issue, or happened while I was standing, to hurt me. That changed in March of 2010, everything changed. I had a blackout that caused me to fall face forward, knees locked, in to the corrugated rock patio at the Roseville Galleria mall. I was there attending a work function with the Chamber of Commerce, not something most there will forget I’m sure. Unbeknownst to me, this was a huge red flag that my brain wasn't working right, but no-one, not even the neurologists at Kaiser in Roseville, could figure out what part wasn't working. Since according to eyewitness accounts (I don’t know I was unconscious) I started seizing after the fall, the assumption was that I had a seizure and that caused the fall. Later (much later)it would be discovered the fall caused the seizure, not the other way around. It would take over nine more months for the right doctor to figure out what was wrong with me. Unfortunately, that would make it too late for me to not go through what would happen next.
Skipping forward… after a few months I started having some very negative symptoms and was feeling “off”. This got worse and other things started to happen, though none of which I paid much attention to, including blacking out a few times. Thankfully, or not, these never caused enough of an issue, or happened while I was standing, to hurt me. That changed in March of 2010, everything changed. I had a blackout that caused me to fall face forward, knees locked, in to the corrugated rock patio at the Roseville Galleria mall. I was there attending a work function with the Chamber of Commerce, not something most there will forget I’m sure. Unbeknownst to me, this was a huge red flag that my brain wasn't working right, but no-one, not even the neurologists at Kaiser in Roseville, could figure out what part wasn't working. Since according to eyewitness accounts (I don’t know I was unconscious) I started seizing after the fall, the assumption was that I had a seizure and that caused the fall. Later (much later)it would be discovered the fall caused the seizure, not the other way around. It would take over nine more months for the right doctor to figure out what was wrong with me. Unfortunately, that would make it too late for me to not go through what would happen next.
After the blackout I had what they called “rolling amnesia”
which is where I could only remember for five to fifteen minutes at a time. The
fall caused severe trauma. In addition to a severe concussion, multiple
lacerations and a broken nose in two places, my face split from my upper lip to
behind my nose. If you've ever met me, or do, and I haven’t shaved, you may
notice a square patch of skin under my nose that won’t grow skin. That’s where
they tied my face back together, literally. It took around two weeks to recover
from this rolling amnesia and another month or so to recover from the trauma
overall. Since it was an un-explained blackout, my driver’s license, per
California law, was put on medical hold. That meant I had to be driven to work.
I was fortunate enough to find a co-worker from another department who was able
to drive me. As someone who likes to drive, this was a challenge. It was also a
challenge because I started having another issue arise from the trauma; I was
scared it was going to happen again.
The pain and trauma of the blackout and the subsequent
medical damage made me fearful, every day that it was going to happen again.
The neurologist’s not being able to pinpoint the cause didn't help. They
brought me in and did light tests, MRI’s, cat scans, the works and they still
couldn't find any physical cause. Yet it happened again at home. I was lying
down, but it did happen again. Though this time there was no damage, it scared
me even more. I started feeling like at any moment, I could die. Now, this is
true, but I really felt it and was mindful of this fear more and more. It came
to a point where I wouldn't walk in to a room unless in a position where if I
fell, I wouldn't hurt myself. Eventually I felt every day, I was going to die. I
had no idea how right I was, or that my neurology was actually changing the way
I thought due to a neurological vitamin deficiency.
Never having been much of a drinker before the surgery, I
found that after the surgery I was an easy drunk. Knowing that, I turned to
that all too easily accessible pain medication and emotion numbing agent called
alcohol. Beer alone wouldn't do it, and I went for the hard stuff. It was the
only thing that made sense to me, with my mind that now had a lack of logic and
reasoning. It was the only thing I could do that would numb the fear. It worked
for a little while, but as anyone who has gone down that path can tell you, it
wasn't going to numb the fear for long. My brain, starved of a key nutrient
which causes personality change and other symptoms, my mind changed and went
from being fearful to accepting, but in a very unhealthy way. I started
believing, with my heart of hearts, that every day I was going to die. Instead
of being fearful of this fact, I embraced it. I started to turn from being the
man I was, to a man who didn't care about anyone or anything but himself. I was
going to die today, and there was nothing I could do about it, so screw
everyone else in the world, I’m going to do what I want to do. And I did.
I went from the Brian people knew, like or dislike, love or
hate, to a narcissistic self-centered jerk who made more enemies than friends,
and fast. Assuming, and truly believing you are going to die every day makes
you think you can’t be hurt. Add on top I cared about nearly no-one during this
time, I made decisions that were so out of character it’s now absurd. I took
money from people who trusted me, and until this happened, had no reason not
to. I did this and moved out of my house with my wife and family and on my own.
I wanted to live my last day(s) doing what I wanted, no one to tie me down. It
makes me sick now thinking that’s how I was acting.
The worst of this mental state was from May through August
of 2010. By September I started slowly recognizing what I had done, but not
fully. As the end of the year approached, it started to dawn on me that I had
to pay back the money I took before the end of the year. So, I told on myself.
The person from whom I had taken the most money was Scott Owens, the newly
elected District Attorney whose campaign I had worked on and a man whom I
considered a friend. When he found out he did the right thing, he initiated an
investigation by the sheriff’s office. He probably saved my life by doing this.
Scott is an extremely honorable man, and I did nothing but betray his trust.
For that I will be forever sorry. The fact that it wasn’t really “me” doesn’t
change my internal frustration over this, nor should it. The same goes for Supervisor
Kirk Uhler, whose accounts and trust were also affected by my actions.
Thankfully, Kirk has known me for almost twenty years, and knew that the Brian
doing this wasn’t the Brian he knew. He also knows the old Brian is back, maybe
even better.
In mid-December 2010 I was arrested for theft. It made all
the local papers that a county aide and political consultant had been arrested
for embezzlement. At the time I was mad more than anything. This was of course
due to my mind-set that everything was about me. Now I lost my job, my
credibility and my life.
I quickly realized I still had two beautiful daughters who
needed me and my then ex (though never legally divorced) allowed me to move
back in so we could try to push through for the girls. She too saved my life. A
few months passed before I was seen by a doctor, this time for a follow-up in
South San Francisco at the bariatric unit. This was the first time in months I
had been there. I told the doctor, who happened to be the head of the
department, everything that had happened. In that one visit she figured it all
out, I had a thiamin (or B1) deficiency. This was early 2011, if you now Google
“gastric bypass personality change” or “thiamin personality change” there is a
wealth of information on this very serious topic. Prior to this appointment, I
had no idea.
Turns out, as it was described to me, that Thiamin is a very
important neurological vitamin, and a lack of it, or next to none as I had, can
cause severe mental and personality changes. It can also cause blackouts and
slew of other symptoms I had been experiencing.
Not having it for as long as I did, well as you can guess, that’s even
worse. Once the diagnosis came in I was immediately put on B1 supplements. It
didn't happen overnight, but I got better and after a while, I was back to the
old Brian, for the most part.
Now I had to deal with the legal aspects. Due to the fact
the newly elected District Attorney himself was a victim of my transgressions;
the case was sent to the US Attorney’s office and went through the federal
system. Fortunately my medical records were reviewed and taken under
consideration as I went through the legal process. I plead to one count of wire
fraud, a felony. Once sentencing occurred, after the people involved reviewed my
very extensive and specific medical records, I was given three years’ probation
including six months of ankle bracelet monitoring.
Thought it’s been almost three years, I’m better off now
medically than I have ever been. I just ran my first marathon last month on
June 2nd. I’m proud of how far I've come, not just medically, but
also as a person re-building my life from where it went. I’m also honored to be asked to speak to
bariatric surgery support groups throughout northern California and share my
story, both good and bad. If I can help anyone else go through what I went
through, then it’s worth sharing my story, no matter how embarrassing it may
be.
I’m now happy to work as a fitness trainer for an employer
who supports my efforts to re-build my life and ensure my family is taken care
of. I also work again with my former county boss Kirk Uhler as a marketing consultant
with his private business consulting firm, and with his father helping with the
communications for his organization. They have both known me long before and
both acknowledge that the “Bizarro Brian” period was not the me they knew and
that I am now back to normal. I can’t thank them enough for the second chance.
I have also been blessed to be back involved with acting, this
time not on stage but in front of the camera. Since all of this I’ve appeared in several
national TV shows, a couple films and this summer working on my first short
film as a writer, co-starring with my now actress daughters.
I made mistakes, and regardless of the fact that they were
made while I wasn't myself, I have accepted that this is something I must live
with for the rest of my life. Now all I can do is make sure I take care of
myself, be there for my family and help educate others so they never have this
roller coaster ride.
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